The Green Elephant.

So, your friends have set you up on this date with this person that you've heard a lot of good things about. You've passed by them on the street and thrown furtive glances in their direction, trying not to be obvious that you're sizing them up. You like what you see, and suddenly have a bit of jealousy for the people who are spending time with them, laughing and enjoying themselves. You think to yourself, "This is going to be great."

You meet at the exact time that you agreed upon, which is nice. There's no waiting around for them to get ready. You already knew what they looked like, but this is the first time you've seen them up close and you take a minute to appreciate the fact that they obviously care about their appearance, but aren't too vain to go overboard. Simple and perhaps a little kitschy.

The conversation starts off a little herky-jerky. You're not quite sure how you feel about them. I mean, sure, they're a bit monotone, but there are undertones in what they are saying that are total sassasfras.



Then it hits you. It's not kitsch, it's an asian-fusion vibe that they've got going on. And how did you miss the hemp neckalace? Oh, goodness. That car with the 'Buy Local' sticker must be their's. Hm. This could still be ok.



You're still pretty excited and hungry to know more about them, so you start off enthusiastically, asking about what they do and their aspirations in life. Their answer is a pleasant surprise.



After that, though...you start making lists in your head for what you need to buy the next day at the grocery store. They might have mentioned something about the health benefits of soy meat, but you're not sure. The only part you really remember is how they scolded you for impolite use of chopsticks. You're getting a little more underwhelmed as the date goes on.



They totally still think they are charming as hell and telling some sort of joke that they obviously think is funny because they are laughing and smiling. Your breath catches when you realize they have something in their teeth. Do you say something? Maybe it'll just dislodge itself. Sure. No need to bring it up and make things awkward.



Things are finally coming to an end as they walk you to your car. There is some light conversation that is laden with subtle innuendos, and you figure...what the heck. You've come this far. Why not go for the goodnight kiss?




Well. There's that. I guess it was sweet, but...kind of weird. At this point, you're ready for this to be over. You wave goodbye and try not to make eye contact as you get in your car and drive by them.

The next day at work, your friend who set you up asks you how your date went and you say "...what date?"

Oh, that one.

It was ok, I guess.